Paranoia-Rama: Immigrant Child Warriors, Gay Recruitment, And Obama's Race War

RWW’s Paranoia-Rama takes a look at five of the week’s most absurd conspiracy theories from the Right.

If President Obama is starting a race war, he will probably use his army of child migrants, gay public school students and “Muslim brothers” to join the fight. None of that will matter, of course, if Ebola sweeps across America first.

5. Child Migrants Bringing In Ebola, Probably

With Republican members of Congress including Michele Bachmann, Phil Gingrey and Todd Rokita warning that the unaccompanied minors crossing the southern border could unleash the Ebola virus on America, we shouldn’t be surprised that at least one GOP candidate for Congress is also stirring up baseless fears about immigrant children carrying Ebola.

Arizona House Speaker Andy Tobin, who is seeking the GOP nomination to challenge Democratic Rep. Ann Kirkpatrick, said people wouldn’t be surprised if Central American child migrants are infected with Ebola. Tucson Weekly reports:

Tobin says he's hearing about worries from constituents that the recent wave of undocumented youth from Central America could cause an Ebola outbreak in the United States.

"Anything's now possible," Tobin said last week. "So if you were to say the Ebola virus has now entered (the country), I don't think anyone would be surprised."

Tobin acknowledged that Ebola has been limited to outbreaks in Africa, "to the extent that they're really aware of that. I think there is a reason we should be concerned about it and say, 'Hey, can you assure us the people crossing the border are not from the Middle East?' ... So I use that as an example, that the public would not be surprised to hear about the next calamity at the border."

4. Child Migrants Might Be Anti-American Warriors

If the Central American child migrants aren’t already dead from Ebola, then that means they are probably Venezuelan-trained child “warriors” who will “rise up against us as Americans” any day now. At least that is what we learned from an extremely informative and not-at-all speculative conversation between RNC Committeewoman Tamara Scott, who is also Concerned Women for America’s Iowa state director, and Texas Tea Party activist Mary Huls:

Alex Jones and William Gheen also wondered if the minors are really child soldiers who will kill Americans for “Obamaphones.”

3. Obama Wants A Race War!

Are President Obama and administration officials like Eric Holder using the Ferguson riots to launch a race war? Of course! At least that is what is occurring in the far-right fantasy land inhabited by Larry Klayman, who is warning that “the racist Obama and his henchmen like Eric Holder have succeeded in creating what in effect is a huge racial divide and race war in the nation.”

“[O]ur so-called president and his attorney general jump to judgment, on a consistent and regular basis, against ‘whitey’ and in favor of their black brothers,” Klayman said. “At this rate, it is remarkable that Obama has not renamed the White House ‘the Black House.’”

Ted Nugent agrees, arguing this week that “President Obama continues to beat the race drum” because he hopes “fanning the embers of racism will keep black Americans squarely in the corner of their big daddy Democratic Party.” Wayne Allyn Root added, “Obama needs ‘division.’ Race warfare. Class warfare. Anger. Resentment. Civil war.”

2. Obama’s ‘Muslim Brothers’ Crafting U.S. Foreign Policy

Rep. Louie Gohmert is pretty sure that the Muslim Brotherhood is running the show in the Obama administration and has used its influence to boost extremist groups like ISIS. “If you’re commander-in-chief you can’t be listening to Muslim brother advise on when it’s time to stop destroying Muslim brothers,” the Texas GOP congressman said in an interview this week.

Gohmert’s House colleague Trent Franks, an Arizona Republican who thinks Obama might just be a secret Muslim, said that with the Bowe Berghdal swap, the Obama administration sent “a signal to the whole jihadist world” to kidnap Americans like James Foley.

“I’m afraid we sent the message to the terrorists, again, that this president will vacillate and not do what is necessary in times of crisis,” Franks said.

1. Gays Coming To Recruit Kids

Schools are using Common Core to brainwash your kids and turn them gay, according to the Tea Party of Louisiana, which proudly cited a satirical article from a parody news site titled “Common Core Turns First Wave Of Students Gay” to make its case.

When a reporter for the Times-Picayune asked the Tea Party group’s spokesman Bob Reid why his organization decided to cite an article from an outlet whose “About” page reads, “If you believe any of the shit you read here you are a freaking moron,” he responded that he was simply trying to “bring attention of the Common Core issue to those who maybe aren't paying attention.”

The American Family Association is  also worried about “recruitment programs” in public schools that are led by gay rights advocates who are “seeking to draw susceptible students into their ranks.” Randy Thomasson of Save California, for his part, said schools are pressuring children to participate in a “perverse, unnatural, unbiblical, unhealthy, tyrannical sexual agenda.”