Folger’s Fantasy World

Janet Folger appears to be becoming increasingly unhinged in her avid devotion to Mike Huckabee’s campaign, following up her last column where she claimed to be writing from prison following Hillary Clinton’s election with this political fairy tale:  

Once upon a time in the dark days of the great slaughter, there was a determined search for a king who would bring the slaughter to an end.

The wicked reigned in both houses of the shadowy Council, and black-robed tyrants ruled the land. The slaughter continued and the good people mourned. They fought and debated, dissented and deplored for three long dreary decades until their voices grew hoarse. They were disappointed and weary and a little bit leery, but their goal they saw clearly: to shield and not yield until all babies were protected from slaughter.

Finally, the day had come when a king or queen they would send to the White Palace to bring the slaughter to an end.

Three contenders stepped forth against the evil Queen of Slaughter: Prince Slay-‘Em, the Sheriff of Floppingham and Friar Mike, in that order.  

It doesn’t require much imagination to figure out just who Queen of Slaughter (Clinton), Prince Slay-‘Em (Giuliani), and Friar Mike (Hukcabee) are supposed to represent.  Nor does it take much imagination to figure out the meaning behind Folger’s claim that the “Sheriff of Floppingham was always pro-slaughter.” 

She then provides the requisite happy ending in which the noble Mike Huckabee rescues the nation:

Then somebody said, “If our leaders won’t lead, hey, why don’t we? For the slaughter to end, the message we’ll send with our friar friend named Mike.”

Others jumped up and said, “He’s from our ranks, and I would give thanks to see him take the lead.”

And the poll numbers surged at the thought that the slaughter would be purged, as the people joined behind Mike.

“But he isn’t perfect! Some ranted and raved!”

Then Sir Chuck of Norris rode forth pushing the earth down before him. Now the way would be paved! “I’ll watch the border, just get things in order!”

He lowered his sword and knighted Friar Mike, “I give you Sir Mike-A-Lot who we all Like a lot! He’s the only one we can trust to slay the Slaughter Dragon and the wicked Slaughter Queen. Now that he’s lean, he’s a fighting machine!”

Sir Don-of-the-Wild rode forth on his steed. “I’m ready to lead!” he said. “Sir Mike-A-Lot will protect all the tots from slaughter and make sure each has a mother and a father.”

And following along, 3 million strong, came Don-of-the-Wild’s faithful army.

“Sir Mike-A-Lot,” in one voice they declaraged, “is the one we trust to protect Royal Marriage.”

So Sir Mike led the way, with each son and each daughter, to face the evil queen and her dragon of slaughter.

With new passion they fought, as each of them ought, and the dragon they caught and they slayed him.

Then the evil queen of the Hill was exiled back to Blueville where she and her dragon could no longer kill.

Sir Mike raised his sword and sang praise to the Lord that children and marriage were protected once more. And the kingdom was filled with the children’s laughter, and the red and blue kingdoms lived happily after.

So now, not only can Huckabee alone save the Right from inevitable imprisonment under a Clinton regime, but he is the last hope to the nation from the “evil queen and her dragon of slaughter.”   

If Huckabee wants to start being taken seriously as a first tier candidate, it might help if he could secure the support of people beyond B-list actors, ex-wrestlers, and fringe right-wing leaders.  It might also help if he publicly distanced himself and his campaign from Folger’s worsening delusions.