At the Values Voter Summit earlier this year, President Trump declared that he will be “stopping cold the attacks on Judeo-Christian values” and that Americans will finally be “saying Merry Christmas again” after avoiding the phrase because “it’s not politically correct.” Now that the shackles of politically correct culture have been unlocked by our president, Right Wing Watch can finally release its 2017 annual gift guide for the holiday Christmas season.
2017 was the year of the “red pill,” a term used first used online by men’s rights activists that alludes to a scene in the sci-fi movie “The Matrix” where the protagonist must decide between taking a “blue pill” that will allow him to continue living in blissful ignorance or a “red pill” that will awaken him to the bitter realities of the world. Online, recruits to the alt-right swallow metaphorical “red pills” when they finally internalize an alternate reality where Jewish people operate conspiracies to control humanity, white people are victims of modern racism, and immigration is destroying Western culture. Infowars architect Alex Jones recently co-opted the phrase to sell a heart-healthy supplement that promises to promote “healthy aging and cognitive function,” which should help combat the constant stress the conspiracy-minded among us must be under.
Milo Yiannopoulos “Everyone Who Hates Me Is Ugly” T-Shirt
After right-wing provocateur Milo Yiannopoulos’ year of disgraces, including revelations that his operation was funded almost exclusively by the Mercer family (but later defunded when Yiannopoulous’ open ties with white supremacist alt-right figures were revealed), he has gathered his fair share of haters. To all those who hate Yiannopoulos, his response is clear: You are ugly. For the loathed in your life, this t-shirt will be a surefire hit.
Jim Bakker’s “Super Grocery Store” Food Bucket Pallet
This year we saw the desperate and shameless extremes that End Times pastor Jim Bakker will go to sell his food buckets, which now have a full-time home on a private shopping network resembling QVC. Give a loved one the gift of more than 19 years of emergency food to help them ride out the impending End of Days, while providing them a viable alternative to cannibalism and protecting them from the wrath of God. The buckets come with 14 Christmas ornaments, which to our knowledge are not edible.
“Keep Christ In Christmas” American Family Association Wristband
The anti-LGBTQ group American Family Association has created rubber wristbands to remind you to keep the “Christ” in “Christmas” wherever you travel. The wristbands are sold in 10-packs, making these bracelets easy gifts for co-workers who need extra encouragement to drop the “happy holidays” greetings.
“Precious Snowflake Ornament” From Breitbart
Let the precious social justice warrior snowflakes in your life know you care with a tree ornament that Breitbart says will “remind them (even in the darkest times) that they are PRECIOUS.” And unlike the delicate flakes they resemble, the ornament’s USA silver steel construction won’t melt, “even if the recipients do.”
Donald Trump’s “Official Merry Christmas Hat”
Nothing says Christmas like the classic Trump-monetized “Merry Christmas” hat, which bears Trump’s campaign slogan “Make America Great Again” adorned with Christmas lights. The hat follows the president’s line of themed “MAGA” hats and will surely be a welcome addition to any collector’s hat rack.
The Liberty Counsel’s “Help Save CHRISTmas Pack”
At first glance, this gift may seem redundant, given that our president has already enabled us to wish one another “Merry Christmas” once again, but be assured that this $25 gift pack from Liberty Counsel will let the world know that your loved one “helped save CHRISTmas” so they can receive the praise they deserve.
For The Kids
The Right Wing Watch shopping guide would be incomplete without a treat for the kids, and for them we recommend “Thump: The First Bundred Days.” This children’s book tells the story of Donald Thump, “an unassuming, unconventional, and utterly unstoppable bunny,” who campaigns his way into the White House. The book features cartoon bunny renditions of Trump tweets, “Thump” constructing a southern border wall between himself and a mouse in a sombrero, and a frog proclaiming “KEK” to Thump (an homage to 4Chan).
This teddy bear rendition of Trump, complete with his trademark hair, is sure to be a fixture in the room of any Trump-supporting child. The 22-inch plush bear comes with a certificate of authenticity and is offered in limited supply. As an added bonus, unzipping a pouch on Trumpy Bear’s neck will reveal an “ultra cozy flag themed blanket” to keep young ones warms while they stand for the national anthem on cold winter nights.
