Paranoia-Rama: This Week In Right-Wing Lunacy - 11/1/13

RWW's Paranoia-Rama takes a look at five of the week’s most absurd conspiracy theories and maniacal claims from the Right.

In our latest installment, we learn about new fake dangers of same-sex marriage, real dangers of falling for satire and the true perils of peering too closely into Bryan Fischer’s head.

5. Gay Marriage Leads To Self-Marriage

We have already heard that gay marriage will lead to dog-man, box turtle-man and Eiffel Tower-man marriage, but apparently person-on-self marriage is on the way too. In a last ditch campaign to block a marriage equality bill, Hawaii Family Advocates is playing up the slippery slope argument, warning that same-sex marriage may lead to a person marrying themselves. The group also warned of “polygyny, polyandry, bi-sexual marriage, group marriage, concubinage, beastiality [sic],” leading us to wonder if they understands what the word bisexual means.

Not to be outdone, the Hawaii Republican Assembly warned the “destructive wake of homosexual marriage” will force churches to marry same-sex couples and have five-year-old kids learn about “the gay and lesbian lifestyle.”

4. United Nations To Seize The Alamo

Shockingly, Tea Party activists in Texas and Alex Jones of InfoWars have been pushing a conspiracy theory concerning the United Nations, Democrats…and the Alamo. The conservatives warn that the designation of the Alamo as a UNESCO World Heritage Site will put the compound under the control of United Nations bureaucrats, all with the help of the Democratic Mayor of San Antonio Julian Castro. The Texas Land Commission notes that the UNESCO designation will change nothing about the Alamo’s ownership or operations, but such claims are nothing new: Texas’ junior senator Ted Cruz promoted claims that the United Nations, George Soros and various municipal officials are going to abolish golf courses and paved roads using Agenda 21.

3. Sharia Law In Dearborn…Again

The satirical National Report article, “City in Michigan First to Fully Implement Sharia Law,” has made such waves that the city it referenced, Dearborn, has had to issue a statement to reassure people that no, the city is not under Islamic rule. But people may just believe that Mayor Jack O’Reilly’s denial of an article from a spoof website is probably just a sign that he is practicing taqiyya, as anti-Muslim politicians continue to actually believe that the Michigan city operates under Sharia law. The mayor’s analysis is spot on: “The National Report’s misguided attempt at humor furthers the goals of some people who have tried to suggest that the city of Dearborn is anti-American because our population includes residents who are Muslim.”

In fact, the National Report article appears to be plagiarized from a very real article from The Guardian on Sharia law in the country of Brunei.

2. EPA Gun Grabbers!

Steve Benen flags this right-wing conspiracy about how gun activists claim that an EPA regulation on pollution is actually a backdoor plan to push “gun control behind the scenes,” pointing to the recent closure of a smelter in Missouri. Seeing that Gun Owners of America claims that health care reform was really just a big push to disarm Americans and send gun owners to concentration camps or electro-shock therapy, the claims that Obama will use the “the environment as a pretense to go after a lead smelter so bullets will be scarce and more expensive.” As Benen notes, however, the EPA enforced the rules against the smelter in 2008 under the Bush administration.

But as we all know time has a liberal bias.

1. Military Will Kill Christians

Over the last several years the American Family Association has been predicting that the military under President Obama will start going after Christians in US, and 2013 is no different as AFA spokesman Bryan Fischer last week charged that service members may begin to use “lethal force” on Christians and “turn [their] takes” on conservative organizations like the AFA. He even said “it would not be illogical next year at the Values Voter Summit in Washington D.C.,” referring to the annual Religious Right conference, “that military troops surrounding the Omni Hotel.”

We look forward to Fischer making the exact same prediction for every remaining year of Obama’s term.

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