This Signed Roger ‘Stone’
GOP dirty trickster Roger Stone has suffered a steady fall from grace in 2018 and has now resorted to selling what appear to be rocks from his yard that he’s written his name on. Stone is attempting to peddle the rocks as paperweights, perhaps for those in his orbit to rest on top of the subpoenas they’ve been served this year from Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation.
“David made good use of a similar artifact against Goliath,” the item description listed on the storefront reads.
If this Roger ‘Stone’ isn’t the right gift, perhaps your intended recipient may enjoy their Stone stoned. A poster for sale elsewhere in Stone’s online store that depicts Stone as Christ smoking marijuana, like a holy member of the choom gang.
Where We Go One, We Go Small
For the conspiracy theory-addled parents in your life, we recommend this QAnon baby onesie. This product displays the acronym for the movement’s “Where We Go One, We Go All” tagline, a large “Q,” and what appears to be a hybrid of the anti-Semitic “echo” meme surrounding a plus sign (which Q uses to identify wealthy families thought to be controlling the course of mainstream politics).
This gift is perfect for inducting clueless infants into a conspiracy theory cult that grows increasingly disillusioned and violence-hungry with every failed prediction Q makes—and lets the global network of satanic pedophiles know that this baby is off-limits, sickos! Or as I’m sure Q would proclaim:
This Gift > WWG1WGA!!!
AF1 + Diaper Change > Q 0 > Q++
Q/POTUS SAME BREAKFAST 100
HRC [420:69]
Q
Mask On, Mask Off
You might not be able to see Alex Jones’ illustrious face on your social media profiles after this year, but with this mask, you can do something even better: personally embody him. According to reviews left on the item’s page at the Infowars store, this mask is well-made and fun to wear, whether on Halloween or when attending very serious political protests. However, one reviewer did note a slight imperfection.
“Pretty good, but it does not have the vein,” that reviewer wrote, referring to the blood vein that bulges on Jones’ forehead when he screams.
Ben Shapiro-Endorsed Brain Pills
Despite all his public efforts to present himself as a serious intellectual voice in conservatism and not just another right-wing demagogue, Ben Shapiro couldn’t help but start hawking think-super-good brain pills to his fans. Shapiro is now directly competing with Infowars, Mike Cernovich and Joe Rogan for the market on nutritional supplements connected to politics.
Give your loved ones the pleasure of forming overly articulated arguments attempting to justify a whole host of issues including corporate wealth disparity, racism, Islamophobia, and anger toward LGBTQ people.
Spiritual Warfare for Two
What are the holidays for if not for waging spiritual warfare against the overwhelming demonic forces seeking to usurp this president, rot the moral foundation of this country, and befall the candor of the western world? Thankfully, Jim Bakker has us covered with this set of Spiritual Warfare Bibles, which he promises “prepares and equips you to engage in spiritual warfare.”
This gift is great for couples.
The ‘Space Force’ Comic Book
Earlier this year a group of Trump-supporting graphic novel artists crowdfunded the production of a comic book that envisioned Trump’s promises to take the battlespace into outer space with a US Space Command and Space Force. This comic book features handfuls of cameos from prominent pro-Trump commentators, including former White House deputy assistant Sebastian Gorka, Fox Business News host Charles Payne, and One America News’ Jack Posobiec.
Fun fact: The illustrator of this graphic novel also illustrated the “Donald Thump” children’s book we mentioned in last year’s edition of the Right Wing Watch holiday gift guide.
Glenn Beck Christmas Sweater
Finally, we have a Colonel Sanders Glenn Beck holiday sweater. We expect to see more of Beck in online conservative media now that his video outlet BlazeTV has merged with Mark Levine’s web-based CRTV (although we really wish we didn’t).
