By Brian Tashman and Miranda Blue
RWW’s Paranoia-Rama takes a look at five of the week’s most absurd conspiracy theories from the Right.
Are schools spending the money that they earn by giving out free condoms to finance lessons on “how to be homosexuals”? And will America survive long enough to find out?
5. The Gays Are Coming To Teach Your Children ‘How To Be Homosexuals’
On a conference call with members of his Conservative Republicans of Texas group last week, Fox News darling Steven Hotze shared his own take on the anti-gay myth that LGBT rights advocates want to legalize pedophilia and “recruit” children.
“There’s another key point of the homosexual agenda, and it’s overturning the laws prohibiting pedophilia,” Hotze asserted, bringing up of course the tiny group NAMBLA. “They want to break down the laws, they want to decriminalize sex between a man and a boy. If you can believe it, that’s how sick and deviant and perverted their minds are, it’s terrible.”
“They’ve got to do that, because they can’t reproduce, they’ve got to recruit,” he continued. “Why do you think they want to get in the Boy Scouts?”
Hotze also exposed the goal of the marriage equality movement: “If they allow same-sex marriage in Texas, folks, they’ll be passing out stuff to your children to teach them how to be homosexuals.”
4. Marriage Equality Will Bring About America’s Collapse
You might have thought Hotze’s predictions are terrifying, but he has nothing on James Dobson, who warned this week that marriage equality will cause “the entire superstructure of culture” in the United States to “ come crashing down.”
“That’s happened in Rome, it happened in Greece, it’s happened throughout history and I don’t think that America can survive in the form we have known … if we allow the family to disintegrate. And that is, in fact, what’s happening,” he said.
3. Obama’s True Nature Revealed
Respected language analyst Rush Limbaugh knows why President Obama said in a speech last year that “I have had my military and our team look at a wide range of options” to respond to a chemical weapons attack in Syria.
The words “my military,” Limbaugh said this week, reveal the president’s “messianic complex.”
“He thinks that the existence of the United States while he is president is nothing more than the story of Barack Obama.”
Limbaugh was echoing the attack of Charles Krauthammer, who picked up on the phrase to accuse Obama of being a Napoleonic “narcissist.”
Unsurprisingly, Media Matters found that George W. Bush used the exact same phrase without provoking right-wing hysterics.
2. Get Ready For A War With Mexico
The real question is whether Napolean-narcissist-messiah Obama’s military is ready to “laser or blitz” Mexico in a war over undocumented immigrants.
Republican House candidate Mark Walker of North Carolina floated the idea of a war against our southern neighbor at a Tea Party event in June.
“I will tell you if you have foreigners who are sneaking in with drug cartels to me that is a national threat,” he said. “And if we got to go laser or blitz somebody with a couple of fighter jets for a little while to make our point, I don’t have a problem with that either. So yeah, whatever we need to do.”
1. The Free Condom Racket
Perhaps the coming U.S.-Mexico war can be financed by the profits that public schools are making off of providing free condoms.
Fox News commentator Todd Starnes joined Family Research Council president Tony Perkins this week to discuss the latest incident of “anti-Christian persecution” that has been exposed by his reporting , this time the case of a junior high school student who was asked to remove a “Virginity Rocks” t-shirt that violated her school’s dress code.
Starnes’ theory : The school was afraid that the student’s promotion of abstinence would cut into the “condom profits” it was earning by making free condoms available to students.
“Here’s my take on it, I thought it was interesting, [the student’s mom] said what’s really interesting is that any child in that junior high school can go to the counselor’s office and ask for and receive free condoms and yet her daughter cannot wear her pro-abstinence t-shirt in the public school,” Starnes said. “Here’s what I think the issue is Tony Perkins, I believe that maybe they were concerned this pro-abstinence t-shirt might cut into this school’s condom profits.”