With the war on Christmas supposedly upon us, Right Wing Watch took a spin through some of the looniest gifts being hawked to good conservatives this holiday season. Right Wing Watch’s 2022 annual gift guide is here.
Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Animal
Everyone knows that there really is no point in celebrating the birth of Christ if you can’t be a jerk about it to liberals while doing so. Presumably, that is why Turning Point USA is offering this delightful crewneck sweatshirt bearing the festive holiday greeting, “Merry Christmas, You Fragile Snowflakes!”
Joe Arpaio spent 24 years serving as the sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona, where he billed himself as “America’s Toughest Sheriff.” Arpiao delighted in meting out harsh treatment to inmates, targeting immigrants, feuding with reporters, harassing political opponents, and spreading conspiracy theories. Arpiao’s antics cost county taxpayers over $100 million in legal fees over the course of his two decades in office before he was finally voted out of office in 2016.
These days, Arpaio is raising money by selling pairs of the infamous pink underwear he required inmates to wear for a mere $20 a pair. So, what better way to celebrate the holiday than gifting your friends or loved ones the same undergarments prisoners wore while sweltering in 145 °F temperatures inside of Arpaio’s tent city “concentration camps”?
Your Racist Baby
Does your baby hate Black people, women, gays, and Jews? Well, what better way to let the world know than by dressing your infant in a Cozy.TV onesie?
Founded by Nick Fuentes—the racist, misogynistic, antisemitic, America-hating, Christian fascist leader of the white nationalist America First movement—Cozy.TV was built to be a streaming platform for far-right activists who had been banned from all other mainstream social media platforms. “We are anti-gay, anti-woman, anti-Black, antisemitic,” Fuentes bragged of his platform.
If your baby is also a virulent bigot, then they’ll surely love to be dressed in one of these Cozy.TV onesies “that’s bound to get the baby all happy and giggling.”
Macho MAGA Digital ‘Art’
When Donald Trump’s pre-hyped “major announcement” turned out to be his Dec. 15 launch of a set of cartoony images of himself—as a race car driver, astronaut, pheasant hunter, superhero—we and many others—including some Trump loyalists—saw it as a laughable new low in Trump’s penchant for grifting money from his supporters. But maybe the joke was on us: the $99 NFTs—you couldn’t pick a specific one, they were assigned to purchasers at random—reportedly sold out in less than a day and are now being marketed by resellers for more than $1,000. That’s probably more than you want to pay to earn some good will from your favorite MAGA-minded relative, but if you have some crypto that survived this year’s crash, maybe you’re in the mood to splurge.
Are You Feeling Lucky?
If $1,200 bucks for a crappy photoshopped image of Trump is more than you want to spend, how about a “personalized Christmas and New Years’ video message from President Trump” for the low price of “ANY AMOUNT” you want to send Trump’s way? Of course, the contribution only buys you an opportunity to “win” a personalized message—that is, if you can come up with any reason to believe Trump has any intention of actually following through.
Talking Flag-Groping Trump Figurine
One of Trump’s unique contributions to our political culture has been his penchant for molesting the American flag to demonstrate that he loves it more than anyone else. Lance Wallnau, one of Trump’s Christian dominionist “prophets,” is hoping that there are other plenty of other Trump lovers like him who want to keep a Trump-hugging-the-flag action figure on their desk. BONUS: this multitasking Trump figure can “speak” a number of recorded snippets of Trump’s own voice. $29.95.
Worst ‘Best Holiday Deal’ Ever?
Former Rep. Mike Pompeo, who served as head of the CIA and then Secretary of State under Donald Trump, really, really, really wants to be president. So, he’s hawking a self-promotional book with the Trumpish title “Never Give an Inch.” But that’s not what his Champion American Values PAC in a recent fundraiser called Pompeo’s “best Holiday Deal YET!” That honor went to the entirely uninspired drink coozie featuring CAVPAC’s logo and Pompeo’s signature and an equally unimaginative American flag sticker, which are on sale for $18. Hard to believe they will actually sell out—and even harder to believe that anyone would have bought them for the original price of $30.
Santa’s Elves Look Different This Year
Can’t get enough of The Daily Wire family? Don’t worry, you can be reminded of Ben Shapiro’s ignorance of the female body, Candace Owen’s Hitler ambition comments, and Matt Walsh’s hatred of trans people when you hang these Daily Wire’s ornaments on your Christmas tree. Featuring the trio plus Andrew Klavan, Michael Knowles, and Jeremy Boreing, “Santa’s effervescent elves” will no doubt bring about the liberal tears Santa promised. On sale for $32.99.