G to the izz-O, P to the izz-eh?

If Michael Steele gets his way, we will soon have to say goodbye to the GOP’s traditional image of older white Americans lining up at the polls to vote for tax cuts, a super-tough military, and against gays and abortion, as it is about to be replaced by a groundswell of young African American and Hispanic voters lining up to vote for that same agenda.

It will be, as the kids are saying these days, quite off the hook:

Newly elected Republican National Committee Chairman Michael S. Steele plans an “off the hook” public relations offensive to attract younger voters, especially blacks and Hispanics, by applying the party’s principles to “urban-suburban hip-hop settings.”

“We need messengers to really capture that region – young, Hispanic, black, a cross section … We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-surburban hip-hop settings.”

But, he elaborated with a laugh, “we need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.”

Steele insists that the GOP will pull this off without changing its core message or ideology thanks to some ultra-hip PR and things so futuristic and wild that they’ll blow your minds:

Under Mr. Steele’s helm, the “old” may seem inappropriate in the Grand Old Party’s affectionate nickname. He said he is putting a new public relations team into place to update the party’s image.

“It will be avant garde, technically,” he said. “It will come to table with things that will surprise everyone – off the hook.”

Does that mean cutting-edge?

“I don’t do ‘cutting-edge,’ “ he said. “That’s what Democrats are doing. We’re going beyond cutting-edge.”

This can only mean one thing: we must all be prepared to defend ourselves from the horde of sentient robots capable of telepathically beaming the GOP’s “limited government” message directly into our brains.

Either that, or Steele is thinking of dusting off Max Headroom