The recently released spring newsletter [PDF] of Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays (PFOX) includes an essay by Steve and Janice Graham, who describe their efforts to rid their son of his “destructive” homosexuality.
Quoting ex-gay therapist Charles Socarides’ claim that coming out amounts “to a kind of murder of the family,” the Grahams write that they believed their son is gay because he started “looking at body builders online” and had “personality traits (high intelligence, curiosity, overconfidence, and a tendency to overanalyze) [that] made him more susceptible to porn and homosexuality.”
“To us, homosexuality is a deviation, a disorder, a willful rebellion, or a combination of these,” they write, adding that their son’s ex-gay therapist told him to “tell us every homosexual feeling or thought he experienced each day.”
Eventually, the son “took responsibility for his wrong choices,” “put the problem behind him” and “regained his old, happy nature again. He whistled as he walked in the door for a visit—with a bounce in his step.”
The newsletter also features articles on Mother’s Day and President Obama’s supposed attempt “to ‘queer’ America” and promote “homosexual addicts.”
When our son admitted his problems with homosexuality, we took him to see a psychiatrist—but it was too upsetting for him. He thought we believed he was crazy. We didn’t know what to think. We were in shock—and a bit of denial.
In his book, A Freedom Too Far, Dr. Charles Socarides describes how we felt during this time: “Announcements like this that our kids have suddenly decided [or in our son’s case, become convinced] they’re gay amount to a kind of murder of the family. Parents can’t imagine things that are worse. It’s something like a premature Alzheimer’s disease; there’s no more real communication, no more sharing of experience, now, or ever. Some great parents can say that this is okay. But, deep down, they know they are deluding themselves. This can mean the end of hopes and dreams for their kids—that they will some day experience the extreme joys that have been repeated over and over again since civilization began, that they will become parents. And make them grandparents. To know that this isn’t going to happen—well, it’s a sadness.”
Years later, our son’s therapist concluded he wouldn’t have struggled with homosexual tendencies had it not been for the pervasive homosexual influence of the internet. In other words, he was fed a gay identity. It began with the power of suggestion—by our son looking at body builders online. Having endured a lot of teasing from his peers, he was curious about his male body. He wondered if he had what it took to be a “real man.”
It was hard finding the right person to help our son. We had many false starts. Finally, our church connected us with Dr. Jeff Robinson, a professional specializing in helping people overcome unwanted homosexuality.
Our son’s personality traits (high intelligence, curiosity, overconfidence, and a tendency to overanalyze) made him more susceptible to porn and homosexuality. He was a heterosexual who had “learned” homosexuality.
Many parents today back off when their child tells them they’re “gay.” This never occurred to us. To us, homosexuality is a deviation, a disorder, a willful rebellion, or a combination of these. It isn’t anyone’s true self. As Michael Glatze notes, “The whole gay identity is completely a fabrication. You’re not a homosexual; you’re a heterosexual with a homosexual problem. It’s literally all in your mind.”
In “Seven Ways to Recruit-Proof Your Child,” Scott Lively writes “it’s never too late for a child to recover his innate heterosexual orientation.” He cautions: “it will take much more work than taking preventive action would have.”
Dr. Robinson instructed our son to go home after each session and tell us what he learned and was supposed to work on. He was to tell us every homosexual feeling or thought he experienced each day.
He took responsibility for his wrong choices and deeply desired to develop integrity—to be the good, honest man everyone believed he was. His therapist told us that deception—lying and misrepresenting himself—was the most personally destructive choice.
In time, he regained his old, happy nature again. He whistled as he walked in the door for a visit—with a bounce in his step. He made his own appointments with Dr. Robinson and kept up his job, school, extracurricular activities, and a wholesome, growing social life. He made all his remaining sessions with his therapist—and stays in touch to this day.
The more time our son spent apart from homosexual porn, the more distanced he became from homosexual urges. When destructive thought patterns hit, he now had tools to deal with them and move forward—which he does to this day. In time, he felt confident he had successfully put the problem behind him.