One of the small joys of our day is receiving the Family Research Council’s daily “Washington Update” email, which is frequently accompanied by an ambitious pun related to the day’s news. (Recent examples: “Florist Won’t Back-Petal on Marriage,” “Hawaii Leis It on the Line for Marriage,” “Muffins Signal Bran New Day at Justice” and an all-time favorite, the St. Patrick’s Day-themed “Defending DOMA: Pros and Leprechauns”).
But, as we were reminded today, sometimes the FRC can take its commitment to punny-ness just a little bit too far. Here are ten of the FRC’s most truly tasteless subject line puns along with excerpts from the emails they accompanied.
10. Undermining Marriage? All in a Gays’ Work
- “For the homosexuals in OutServe, the basic goal is OutCry. Since the overthrow of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” the organization of “actively serving LGBT personnel” has planted 42 chapters on military bases–all with the common goal of tearing down the Defense Department’s (and by extension, society’s) marriage policies from within.”
9. Baker Won’t Pay Flour Girl at Gay ‘Wedding’
- “At the Cake Cottage, Victoria isn’t worried about her profits getting battered. This baker’s here to serve Jesus.”
8. Bestiality Should Give Leaders Paws in Troop Bill
- “The dust is finally starting to clear over the rubble of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal, and our military is beginning to see what’s on the horizon: a campaign to radicalize the country from the Pentagon out. It started by toppling the barrier to open homosexuality. And it continues with an assault on marriage and religious freedom. Now, in its rush to accommodate the Left, Congress may have inadvertently opened the door to even more perversion.”
7. The City That Never Sleeps…Alone
- “The only thing higher than the Empire State Building may be New York City’s sexually transmitted disease rate!”
6. Give Me Planned Parenthood and Give Us Death!
- “If Sen. Reid wants to stand with an organization that ignores child sex predators and statutory rape, accepts racist donations, overcharges for birth control, hides pimps, lies about its services, and fights laws that protects children, then he shouldn’t be surprised when he’s standing alone.
5. Dawn We Now Our Gay Imperil
- “Considering misplaced priorities of this White House, every month feels like ‘gay pride month.’”
4. Planned Parenthood: Making a Killing
- “While all of this ‘vital medical care’ plunged, the group’s primary moneymaker-abortion–raked in more than ever. It was one of the bloodiest years in the organization’s history, as unborn casualties climbed to 333,964–enough to fill Yankee stadium six and a half times.”
3. Obama to Troops: Don’t Quit Your Gay Job!
- “President Obama may not have created a lot of jobs for America–but he’s creating plenty for his homosexual base. At 12:01 a.m. this morning, the radical Left celebrated one of President Obama’s signature legislative accomplishments: the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,’ a 1993 law that codified the longstanding prohibition of homosexual conduct in the military.”
- “Despite the media’s insistence that social issues aren’t a factor in this election, the candidates spent a healthy chunk of time defending their pro-life credentials.”
1. Abortion Turns Peace Corps into Peace Corpse
- “While several of her colleagues are trying to limit abortion, the extremist from New Hampshire is hoping to expand it — and at taxpayer expense! Yesterday, Shaheen tacked on an amendment to the Senate Foreign Operations bill that would force Americans to pay for the abortions of Peace Corps volunteers in the cases of rape, incest, or if the mother’s life is at stake.”
