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Christian Publisher Booted From NRB For Publishing Pro-Gay Book

When we wrote a post last week highlighting the anti-gay, anti-choice, and anti-Islam activism of David and Jason Benham, it felt like the entire Religious Right movement began screaming that we were jackbooted Nazi fascist thugs who were out to silence and destroy anyone with whom we disagreed after HGTV announced that it was not going to move forward with the Benham brothers' reality show.

The basic gist of the storm of criticism was that liberals and gay activists have no tolerance for those with whom they disagree and will stop at nothing to silence those who hold opposing views.

At the same time that this was going on, another controversy was unfolding as various Religious Right activists were in the middle of an effort, started by Matt Barber, to pressure a Christian publishing house to back away from a book entitled "God and the Gay Christian:The Biblical Case in Support of Same-Sex Relationships" by Matthew Vines.

Vines' book, which seeks to refute the anti-gay narrative promoted by the Religious Right, was published by an imprint of the Christian publishing company WaterBrook Multnomah and that was totally unacceptable to anti-gay activists who have relentlessly attacked the publisher over the last few weeks.

WaterBrook Multnomah has, so far, refused to recall Vines' book and, as a result, the company has been forced to resign from the National Religious Broadcasters:

A leading Christian book publisher has resigned its membership in the National Religious Broadcasters (NRB) after a dispute over God and the Gay Christian, a new book published by an affiliated imprint.

In a letter to board members, NRB president and CEO Jerry Johnson said that employees of WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group, the evangelical division of Penguin Random House, worked on the book. The book, which argues that same-gender sex is not sinful, was published by Convergent Books, a 16-month-old Penguin Random House line that describes itself as "publishing books for progressive and mainline Christians who demand an open, inclusive, and culturally engaged exploration of faith."

"Unfortunately, while the Multnomah Publishing Group is separate from Convergent, as a legal and business entity, the staff of the Multnomah and Convergent operations are substantially the same," Johnson wrote. "Most notably, Steven W. Cobb serves as the chief publishing executive for both groups. … Other Christian workers do so as well. … This issue comes down to NRB members producing unbiblical material, regardless of the label under which they do it."

Cobb also oversees Image, Penguin Random House's Roman Catholic imprint that falls under the Crown Publishing Group division with WaterBrook Multnomah and Convergent. The Christian divisions are located in the same Colorado Springs offices. Crown and Penguin Random House are based in New York City.

"I asked them to reconsider and end the practice of having Christian workers from their publishing house work on Convergent projects," Johnson wrote. "They declined to do so at this time and asked how we would respond. I told them that if they wanted to remain NRB associate members, I would have to refer the matter to our Ethics Committee for review, or they could agree to resign their membership. They agreed to resign immediately."

Just something to keep in mind the next time the Religious Right screams that liberals have no tolerance for people that hold differing views and will stop at nothing to punish and silence them.

Glenn Beck Has 'The Smartest Audience ... Ever In Television'

Over the last several weeks, Glenn Beck's studio in Texas has been undergoing renovations all while Beck continues his personal transformation into the self-proclaimed prophet of a doomsday cult, which has resulted in more and more of his nightly television program featuring conversations about God while consisting of footage shot during his morning staff meetings, most of which amounts to little more than the staff discussing the same topics that Beck and his co-hosts discussed on the radio show earlier in the day.

Apparently, this new God-focused and largely redundant format is not sitting particularly well with a number of Blaze subscribers who have been writing to the network wanting to know just what is going on, resulting in Beck dedicating the opening of his show last night to addressing the criticisms that have been flooding in from viewers.

In typically cryptic Beck fashion, he explained to his viewers that both he and his network are undergoing massive renovations at the moment because God has huge miracles in store for them both. Unfortunately, God has not given Beck permission to talk about them just quite yet "but that's not crazy," he assured his audience.

But Beck knows that he doesn't necessarily need to explain every little thing to them, he told the viewers, because his audience is "the smartest audience ... ever in television."

Beck said that he knows that his audience will stand by him during this time of upheaval because his network is the only one "dedicated to the truth and changing the culture," which is why it has come under attack from "principalities that do not want us to succeed," by which he means demonic forces:

Klingenschmitt: Gay Marriage Can Never Be Legal Because It Violates The Laws Of God

Last week, a judge in Arkansas struck down the state's ban on gay marriage and Gordon Klingenschmitt weighed in on the decision on his "Pray In Jesus Name" program yesterday to declare that no matter what any court rules, gay marriage will never be legal because it violates "the law of God."

Saying that since both state governments and the federal government are subject to God's higher law, "it really doesn't matter what the state constitution says" because gay marriage "is still illegal in the eyes of God."

The same goes for the federal government, Kilngenschmitt said, declaring that no judge can ever "overrule Jesus Christ."

"God defines marriage," he concluded. "It doesn't matter what our human opinions are":

'Strike Me Down': Glenn Beck Is A Modern Day MLK/Bonhoeffer/Mandela/Obi Wan

Glenn Beck began his radio program today by discussing the incident in which a local Dallas TV host walked off of her show yesterday during a heated discussion over the appropriateness of ESPN showing Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend after being drafted by the St. Louis Rams.

Beck said that he didn't want to see stuff like that on television, nor does he want to see straight couples making out either and overall he used the issue to decry the "sexualization of our culture" which culminated in him declaring that just as gay people say they are born that way, he was likewise "born a spiritual person" who is now being persecuted for refusing to be silent about his religious faith.

Declaring that he knows that God exists because last week he experienced a "full-fledged miracle," Beck declared that he will never be silent about it even if it costs him his life.

"Because I know God lives, you will have to imprison me," he proclaimed. "You want me to shut up? I won't shut up."

Somehow, that prompted Beck to speculate that the reason the Obama administration has pretty much ignored him since he left Fox News is because they know that he is a Martin Luther King/Dietrich Bonhoeffer/Nelson Mandela-like figure that they had better not screw with because he is willing to die for his beliefs.

"Imprison me," Beck said, looking directly into the camera, "go ahead, imprison me. I will not sit down, I will not shut up. I won't. I will not conform. I will not comply. Period."

"If I may quote Obi Wan," he concluded, "strike me down. Strike me down. I will become far more powerful than you can imagine":

'You Gotta Man Up': Klingenschmitt Says Transgender Student Needs A Spanking And An Exorcism

Earlier this year, the Maine Supreme Court ruled that local school officials had violated the rights of a transgender student by not allowing her to use the girls' restroom and Gordon Klingenschmitt was unsurprisingly opposed to this ruling, declaring on his "Pray In Jesus Name" program yesterday that what this student really needed was a spanking and an exorcism.

Noting that Nicole Maines has an identical twin brother, Klingenschmitt declared that she was possessed by a demonic spirit.

"One of those two boys is possessed by a demon," he said, "and the parents are encouraging that and really what the parents ought to do is take that boy to an exorcist, take that boy to a minister or at least discipline the boy, maybe give him a spanking. Maybe dress him like a boy even if he complains and whines and says 'I don't wanna wear boys clothes.' Too bad, son. You're a boy, you gotta man up":

David Benham Loves Gays And Is Merely Trying To Fight The 'Evil That's Enslaving People'

If it had been our goal to "silence" David and Jason Benham when we first wrote our post exposing their anti-gay, anti-choice, and anti-Islam activism, we certainly did not do a very good job since they have now spent the last week appearing on dozens of radio and television programs explaining how they were supposedly the victims of some "demonic" agenda that is out to destroy them.

After spreading their 'we love gays, but they are controlled by Satan' worldview on just about any outlet that would have them, the Benhams' publicity campaign appears to finally be grinding to a halt, reducing them to appearing on programs hosted by vehemently anti-gay bigots like Bryan Fischer and crackpots like Jesse Lee Peterson, as they did yesterday where, once again, David tried to justify his anti-gay activism by asserting that he was merely standing up against the "evil that's enslaving people."

When Peterson commented that he admired the courage the Benham brothers had displayed in dealing with this controversy, David explained that the Bible says that the righteous are to be as bold as a lion and so, "if we have the Lord Jesus in our heart and we feel that there is wickedness or evil that's enslaving people like this agenda to silence in America that is hurting all kinds of people, not just Christians, then it's incumbent upon us as Christians to be bold as a lion and stand up against it":

Guardians Of Deception: BarbWire Runs Fake 'NAMBLA For Obama' Image

While scanning through Matt Barber's website this morning, we came across a new article by BarbWire's senior editor Jeff Allen that purported to highlight the "dangerous link between homosexuality and pedophilia" in order to "clearly demonstrate the precise reason why we must continue to keep homosexual men as far away as possible from our young boys" which featured this rather striking photo at the very top of the page:

That image had pretty obviously been photoshopped and a quick reverse image search easily revealed the original photo:

Just something for us to keep in mind the next time BarbWire publishes a piece calling us "guardians of tyranny and deception" or Allen himself accuses of us engaging in "character assassination."

UPDATE: BarbWire has now changed the image and, predictably, Allen has accused us of lying about his "innocent mistake":

'Holy Laughter' Pastor To Organize Latest Religious Right Prayer Rally

Rodney Howard-Browne is organizing a Washington D.C. prayer event, Celebrate America, complete with a promotional video that includes a gay couple alongside images of a strip club, mass shootings, terrorist attacks, and Agenda 21 as threats to America.

Back in 2012, the preacher organized a right-wing prayer rally with Focus on the Family to coincide with the Republican National Convention, and the Family Research Council recently held a prayer meeting to support Celebrate America.

Howard-Browne is a pioneer of the Holy Laughter movement, which you can see on display here with Howard-Browne alongside the late Oral Roberts:

At another Holy Laughter event, Howard-Browne says he healed a man of cancer.

Jerry Boykin and Harry Jackson have also endorsed the event, with Boykin telling the Christian Broadcasting Network that America is “beginning” to “completely self-destruct”:

"At the root of America's problem, we really have a spiritual cancer that's been eating away at our nation," Bishop Harry Jackson, senior pastor of Hope Christian Church in Beltsville, Maryland, told CBN News.

Retired Gen. Jerry Boykin used to fight America's physical enemies overseas. He's now working with the Family Research Council fighting spiritual foes.

Boykin said without a Third Great Awakening, forces like those that took down mighty empires of the past will also bring down the United States.

...

Howard-Browne pointed to the epidemics of abortion and illegal drug use in the nation. "Three-thousand babies aborted every single day in this country. We have over 300 million people; we use over 70 percent of the world's drugs," he said.

...

They'll be holding 14 days and nights of mega-sized meetings and street evangelism in the nation's capital as America celebrates its 238th birthday. They're calling it Celebrate America.

"We've come to light the fires right in the belly of the beast, if you can put it that way," Howard-Browne said.

Tom DeLay Fails Miserably In His Attempt To Defend His 'God Wrote The Constitution' Claim

Today, Tom DeLay appeared on "WallBuilders Live" to defend himself from the mockery he received for having declared earlier this year that God founded America and wrote the Constitution, telling host Rick Green that God is going to use conservative Christians to lead "a revolution for the Constitution."

During the conversation, DeLay repeated his claim that "the Constitution was created by God" and then noted that he came under attack from the Left for saying this not too long ago even though, he insisted, he was absolutely right.

"Alexander Hamilton himself said that the Declaration and the Constitution were written as with a sun beam in the whole volume of human nature by the hand of divinity itself," DeLay triumphantly declared. "So I'm just quoting him":

Hamilton did, in fact, make such a statement when he wrote:

The sacred rights of mankind are not to be rummaged for, among old parchments, or musty records. They are written, as with a sun beam, in the whole volume of human nature, by the hand of the divinity itself; and can never be erased or obscured by mortal power.

You will notice that, contrary to DeLay's assertion, there is no mention of either the Declaration or the Constitution anywhere in Hamilton's statement ... and that is because Hamilton wrote the line in his work "The Famer Refuted," which was published in February 1775.

The drafting of the Declaration of Independence did not even begin until well over a year after Hamilton published these words and the Constitution wasn't to be written for another twelve years.

It seems particularly appropriate that DeLay would make this laughable defense on WallBuilders of all places, since false history is their specialty.

Fischer Asks If America Is Even 'A Nation That I Really Wanna Risk My Life To Defend And Protect'

On his radio program yesterday, Bryan Fischer took a call from Tom, a twenty-two year veteran of the Air Force, who wondered why he served in Vietnam and put his life on the line for a nation that now allows gays to serve in the military when God calls it an "abomination."

"I question sometimes why I spent twenty-two years protecting what I was protecting," Tom said, "when we're willing to stand by and let it be washed away or given away by those in power."

Fischer, of course, was entirely sympathetic, saying that America was once "worth bleeding and dying for because ... we stood for Judeo-Christian morality" but now people are rightly asking themselves if America is "turning into a nation that I really wanna risk my life to defend and protect":

Santorum Solves The Contraception Mandate By Suggesting The Government Should Give It Away For Free

Last week, Rick Santorum spoke at an event hosted by the University of Chicago's Institute of Politics to discuss his new book "Blue Collar Conservatives: Recommitting to an America That Works." During the Q & A session, Santorum was asked how he balances his personal religious views as a Catholic on an issue like contraception with the needs to formulate public policy that impacts people who do not share those religious views.

Santorum said that there are a lot of things that he does not agree with or believe to be moral, but that does not mean that those things should necessarily be illegal and contraception is one of those issues.

His concern, he explained, is with the government "forcing people who have views like me to go out and use my money to buy those products" because doing so infringes upon his religious liberty. What the government should have done, he suggested, if it wants to ensure that everyone has access to contraception is to announce that contraception will be provided free of charge by the government.

"It would be less objectionable to me," Santorum said, "for the government to go out and say we're going to pay for all the pharmacies to stock contraception and give them out free. Am I paying for it indirectly? Yes, through my taxes, but I pay for a lot of things with my taxes that I don't like."

If the Obama administration's goal was to ensure access to contraception, Santorum said, this is probably how it should have been implemented ... but the Obama administration didn't do that, leading Santorum to declare that the real goal of the contraception mandate was to force Christians to violate their religious beliefs and "bow to Caesar":

David Benham Explains His Love For Gays By Claiming The Homosexual 'Agenda' Is Led By Satan

It has now been one week since we first wrote a post highlighting the anti-gay and anti-choice activism of David Benham, who was slated to host a reality TV show on HGTV with his twin brother Jason. After HGTV announced that it would not move forward with the brothers' planned reality show, the Benhams hit the conservative media circuit to claim they were the victims of a "smear campaign" filled with "complete lies,"  though neither the Benhams nor anyone else has actually bothered to explain how anything we originally reported about them was in any way false.

The bulk of the defense offered for the last week by David and Jason Benham of their past activism has been that they do not hate gay people but only hate "homosexuality and its agenda that is attacking the nation,"which is pretty much the defense offered by most of the anti-gay bigots we monitor on this blog. David Benham previously alleged that the "homosexual agenda," along with abortion rights and Islam, is controlled by "demonic forces and agendas."

Last night, they took that talking point onto Glenn Beck's television program where they repeatedly asserted that they are not at war with gay people, but are rather engaged in a spiritual war against Satan and demonic forces that are out to silence Christianity.

"It's a spiritual fight," Jason Benham said. "From the beginning of time, it was God and there was the Devil and both of them use people for their own purposes." Jason then recalled how Jesus had rebuked Peter by declaring "get behind me, Satan!" in Mark 8 to demonstrate this, as David added that it is all part of Satan's efforts to suppress the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Later in the discussion, Jason added that they are not attacking "the homosexual community" because the real issue is "God versus the Devil."

"There is a small minority of people in this world, heterosexual and homosexual, that buy into the idea of this agenda that wants to silence people," he said.

David added that, as Christians, they are "called to restrain evil so that good may flourish" and that is the role they are trying to play in America by taking a stand against the "demonic agenda to suppress the truth":

Barber: NHCLC Setting Up A 'Firewall' To Fight Back America's 'Cancerous Invasion Of Immorality'

Back in 2012, Liberty Counsel's Mat Staver joined the board of the National Hispanic Christian Leadership Conference (NHCLC) and also took on the responsibility of serving as the organization's chief legal counsel. When Staver traveled to Peru last year to be honored for his anti-gay and anti-choice activism, he was so impressed by the commitment of local churches to resist the American government's efforts "to undermine the Judeo-Christian values of life and marriage" that, upon returning to the United States, he called NHCLC president Samuel Rodriquez and encouraged him to expand into Latin America in order to assist with this effort.

Earlier this month, the NHCLC announced that it would be doing just that by merging with a Latin America-based organization called Conela:

The National Hispanic Christian Leadership Conference (NHCLC), the largest Hispanic Christian organization in the U.S. representing millions of Evangelicals and over 40,000 churches, announced today that it will merge with Conela, a Latin America-based organization that serves over 487,000 Latin churches across the world.

“This merger is a win-win for both NHCLC and Conela, and we are thrilled to join together to better serve Hispanic Evangelicals worldwide,” said Dr. Samuel Rodriguez, president of the NHCLC. “Under the new NHCLC, we will continue to unify, serve and represent the Hispanic Evangelical community with the divine and human elements of the Christian message all while advancing the Lamb’s agenda.”

This merger, which came at the request of Conela President Ricardo Luna, will result in a worldwide organization that represents over half a million churches and millions of individuals, making it the largest Evangelical association in the world.

Staver recounted these developments on today's "Faith and Freedom" radio program, where Matt Barber said the efforts was needed now more than ever because "under this current administration, there is no question that the United States of America is exporting immorality."

"And so NHCLC," Barber said, "is really putting up a firewall to protect Latin America from, unfortunately, this cancerous invasion of immorality and [this] exporting [of] radical homosexual activism and radical pro-abortion activism, ultimately a culture of death":

Fischer Blasts The NFL For 'Celebrating Something That Could Destroy Michael Sam's Life'

Bryan Fischer's love for young, black males has been well-established and it is precisely why he wants to see homosexuality made illegal.

It was with this love in mind that Fischer spent two full segments of his radio broadcast today railing against the NFL for celebrating the drafting of Michael Sam instead of putting him into "ex-gay" reparative therapy.

Calling Sam's drafting a "debacle," Fischer proclaimed that the NFL "is conducting itself in a horribly irresponsible fashion" by "celebrating something that could destroy Michael Sam's life."

"They know the kind of behavior that Michael Sam is engaged in," Fischer lamented. "He had a big, wet sloppy kiss with his gay lover right in front of world and everybody ... and it is behavior that will destroy his life."

If the NFL was really concerned with Sam's well-being, Fischer went on the argue, the league would be encouraging him to begin ex-gay therapy.

"Alas, the only people who truly care for Michael Sam are those who love him enough to tell him the truth about the health risks of homosexual behavior," Fischer concluded, saying that the NFL leadership "long ago sold their souls to the virulent, vitriolic bullies and bigots of 'big gay'":

Klingenschmitt: The Bible Says 'All The Citizens Ought To Be Armed So They Can Defend Themselves Against Left Wing Crazies'

On his "Pray In Jesus Name" program, Gordon Klingenschmitt discussed the recent shooting at a Fed Ex facility in Georgia, which he attributed to the fact that the facility was a gun-free zone, which is prohibited by the Bible.

Klingenschmitt declared that the reason that Japan never invaded the United States is because "Californians carried guns" and warned that now the state "might be vulnerable to that" because the citizens are being disarmed.

"There is a demonic spirit of murder and suicide and abuse" behind gun control efforts, Klingenschmitt said, citing the Book of Judges to proclaim that "the Bible talks against disarming the citizens [and] says all the citizens ought to be armed so they can defend themselves against left wing crazies who go in there to try and assault God's people":

Todd Starnes Has A Good Laugh Comparing Gay Marriage To Bestiality

On Friday we mentioned that we are reading through Todd Starnes' genuinely awful new book "God Less America: Real Stories From the Front Lines of the Attack on Traditional Values" in which, in between collected tales of supposed Christian persecution and endless attempts to remind his reader just how much he loves the South, Starnes intersperses little fantasy vignettes about how President Obama is trying to literally turn himself into a god or, in the case of chapter 11, how the Supreme Court has legalized marriage between humans and animals.

In a chapter entitled "The Great Interspecies Marriage Act Of 2025," Starnes mocks advances in marriage equality by penning a fake Associated Press article announcing that the Supreme Court has "legalized interspecies marriage" and that couples can now begin marrying at pet stores across the nation:

(AP) THE FUTURE - A divided Supreme Court finally legalized interspecies marriage, striking down a key section of a federal law that denied veterinary benefits to humans and pets, and marking what activists are calling the greatest civil rights ruling of the twenty-first century ...The landmark ruling means that more than one hundred thousand human and animal couples who are legally married will be able to take advantage of tax breaks, pension rights, and other benefits that are available to other married couples ... Pet stores in California, New York, and Illinois have already announced plans to begin issuing marriage licenses. The first couples to tie the knot will receive a lifelong supply of Kibbles & Bits or Meow Mix.

...

The White House tried to put religious groups at ease by suggesting marriage between species is not only constitutional, but also biblical.

"Don't have a cow," the White House press secretary told reporters. "Or do have a cow. That's what so great about this nation. We are free to love whoever we choose to love. Marriage is a sacred union, whether it's a man and a woman or a man and a man or a woman and a woman or a transgender and a transgender (which could technically be all of the above) or a man and a goat. God's in the mix."

The Almighty did not immediately respond to the White House statement, but in an unrelated incident, San Francisco was suddenly turned into a pillar of salt and the Vegas strip was burned to the ground during a freak lightning storm.

Todd Starnes In Fantasy Land

We have been reading through Todd Starnes' latest book, "God Less America: Real Stories From the Front Lines of the Attack on Traditional Values," which was released earlier this week and mainly it consists of the standard "Christian persecution" stories that fill most of his columns for Fox News.

But then we got to chapter 5, entitled "So Absurd It Could Be True: The Gospel Of Barack Obama," which consists entirely of Starnes imagining a meeting between himself and a fictional DC insider named Miles O'Leary who had just been put in charge of a project aimed at literally turning President Obama into a god.

Starnes imagines a conversation between himself and O'Leary as the latter explains that an "Office of Theological Repatriation" has been created in order to use the force of government and compliance of the media to compel all Americans to abandon their faith and worship Obama:

"You look at it as a problem, but the White House looks at it as an opportunity," he said. "We realized that we had a chance to truly make history—to change the world. Do you remember what happened at the Democratic National Convention, when the Democrats booed God?"

Who could forget? Delegates to the 2012 DNC meeting in Charlotte had voted God out of the party platform. "There's only room for one god in the Democratic National Convention," Miles said.

The Almighty was subsequently reinstated into the party, which resulted in a round of contentious jeers from the crowd full of atheists and God-haters. I was there. It was one of the most incredulous moments in American politics—a major political party giving God a Bronx cheer.

"We took an immediate flash poll of God's approval rating among Democrats, and we got a shocking wake-up call," Miles told me. "He was only polling at 10 percent—and that was mostly among Southern Blue Dog Democrats. So we decided to immediately implement a top-secret program—code name G-O-D"

GOD?

"It stands for Get Obama Deified," Miles said in a hushed voice. "We decided to create a national religion based solely on President Obama. Our internal polling data on the deification of the president is spectacular."

I was dumbfounded. How in the world could they do something like that—something so brazen, so blasphemous, so unconstitutional?

"Todd, we've already done it," Miles said. "I was just put in charge of President Obama's new Office of Theological Repatriation. We're in the process of destabilizing other religions so that we can recruit more followers. Why do you think we've been marginalizing Christianity within the armed forces and public schools?"

"But why make the president a god?"

"Let's face it, Todd," Miles explained. "He's a young man. He's going to need to do something to earn a paycheck after he leaves the White House."

"So when did you guys decide to go forward with this hair-brained scheme?" I asked.

"Ironically it was just a few hours before that earthquake hit Washington," he said. "About two minutes after President Obama signed the executive order declaring himself to be America's Lord and Savior, the earth started shaking."

"How does one even go about creating a new religion?" I wondered.

"Well, as I said, I head up the Office of Theological Repatriation," Miles said. "Once the Christians and Jews renounce their faiths, they are assigned to a six-month session of theological conversion therapy. After they complete the appropriate coursework, the new followers are then turned over to the Office of Spiritual Indoctrination."

"What about the Muslims?" I asked.

"Um, yeah, we're not going to touch the Muslims," Miles said.

"It's all about having a good back story," he said. "That's why we've employed the best screenwriters in Hollywood to create our version of the Bible. It's called The Gospel According to Barack."

Miles laid out some sample chapters for me, including Obama's version of the Golden Rule: "Do unto others before they do it to you."

And they've also started working on the origins story. Miles said the White House has pending legislation that would make December 25 "Barack Obama Day."

"We've even got a few passages of the origins scripture ready for Hallmark cards," Miles said. "'For unto you is born this day in a city of undetermined origin—a savior who is Barack the Lord.'"

Suddenly the skies outside the coffeehouse darkened. I could hear the distant rumbling of thunder and an occasional flash of lightning. Miles said they'd also commissioned choirs to perform some new holiday anthems with lyrics such as, "Joy to the world / Barack has come / Let earth receive her king." They also created the new songs "Jingle Bell Barack" and "Michelle, Did You Know?"

"We've recently acquired the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, which we've renamed the Obama Tabernacle Choir, and they are going to be producing our signature song, a new rendition of the 'Hallelujah Chorus,'" Miles said. "Instead of 'Hallelujah,' they sing `Barack Obama."

But what about the inner workings of the religion? What about the doctrine?

Miles conceded that to be a bit more problematic. He said there'd been fierce debate over who gets to sit at the right hand of Obama. "Valerie Jarrett wants to sit at the left and the right hand," he said. "Michelle's not too happy about that, but we may have a solution. We're contemplating making Michelle the Holy Mother."

What about the sacraments?

"Well, we require followers of Obama to drink the Kool-Aid at least once a week," Miles said. "We've also got the folks over at the Food Network developing a wafer made in the president's likeness from organically harvested wheat."

As for confessional booths, Miles said there aren't going to be any.

"That's what we've got the NSA for," he said. "They already know your darkest secrets."

And how does one become a follower of Obama?

"We believe in predestination," Miles said. "All Americans are predestined to follow the president and do his bidding."

Last rites, he said, were being outsourced to the Department of Health and Human Services death panels.

I still wasn't totally convinced this wild scheme would work. How in the world could they indoctrinate so many people?

"We bought ourselves a cable television network," Miles crowed, proudly. "We're calling it MSNBC—the Messianic Savior Named Barack Channel."

Well, that explained a lot.

Klingenschmitt Speculates That The 'Forbidden Fruit' Eaten By Adam And Eve May Have Been Marijuana

On yesterday's "Pray In Jesus Name" program, "Dr. Chaps" Gordon Klingenschmitt responded to those "pot hippies" who cite Genesis 1:29 to argue that marijuana should be legal because God has "given you every herb bearing seed" for human use and consumption by floating his theory that the "forbidden fruit" eaten by Adam and Even in the garden was not an apple, but actually pot!

"There are certain weeds in the garden, even in the Garden of Eden, that were forbidden by God," Klingenschmitt said, saying that the Bible never uses the word "apple" to describe just what it was that Adam and Eve ate but "the Bible does use the word 'forbidden weed.'"

"So here's my hypothesis," Klingenschmitt said, beginning to laugh as apparently even he realized the ridiculousness of what he was saying, "maybe it was marijuana! ... How do you know that the serpent didn't give pot to Eve and say 'go ahead, and the day that you eat this, you're not going to die.' The fact is, you are going to die":

Barber: 'So Many Women Are ... Taking Anti-Depressants' Because They Feel Guilty For Having Had An Abortion

On today's "Faith and Freedom" radio broadcast, Matt Barber said that it is "little wonder that so many women are walking around taking anti-depressants" since they must feel guilty over having had an abortion.

On an episode entitled "Abortion is The Real War on Women," Barber said that 40% of women of childbearing age in America have had an abortion and alleged that they are all carrying "the burden and the guilt" of having done so and so "they have a void, an emptiness now" that is exacerbated by the upcoming Mother's Day holiday.

"As we look at Mother's Day," Barber said, "you know, there is little wonder that so many women are walking around taking anti-depressants ... So, on Mother's Day, there are mothers of dead babies walking around feeling the weight and the guilt of having had an abortion":

Bryan Fischer Is A Paragon Of Inconsistency

Last month, after Christian radio stations and music fans began to boycott the band Jars of Clay over the lead singer's support for marriage equality, Bryan Fischer proclaimed that this sort of reaction was the logical result of that singer's own decision to make a "foolish declaration."

If someone chooses to speak out on this sort of issue, Fischer declared, "that's fine, but then don't complain when there are consequences for making a foolish declaration like that."

Of course, that was two whole weeks ago, back when Fischer found such "consequences" to be totally acceptable because he happened to disagree with the stated position of the person who was experiencing those consequences. That stand has now been totally abandoned in the face of the Benham brothers having lost their HGTV program over their anti-gay, anti-choice activism, with Fischer declaring on his radio program today that they are the victims of the "gay gestapo" which will soon force Christians to wear yellow crosses upon their sleeves "like the Jews in Nazi Germany."

"They're going to make us wear yellow crosses on our sleeves," Fischer stated, "so they can identify us, so they will know whom not to hire, they will know whom to fire ... they will know whom not to do business with":

Just to recap, when someone that Fischer disagrees with suffers a backlash because of their publicly stated position, that is because "there are consequences for making a foolish declaration" ... but when someone that Fischer agrees with suffers consequences for making public declarations, that is Nazi-like persecution.

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