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Glenn Beck Mocks Donald Trump By Covering His Face With Crushed-Up Cheetos

On his radio program yesterday, Glenn Beck and his co-hosts mocked Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump for looking like an "orange racoon" and wondered how he obtained his unnatural hue. In an attempt to figure it out, they planned an experiment for today in which they would smear crushed-up Cheetos on their faces "to see if we can get our face close to the face of Donald Trump."

And true to their word, they did exactly that at the end of today's broadcast. 

We don't even have any commentary to add, since there really isn't much you can say about Beck and company pressing their faces into plates of crushed Cheetos:

For what it is worth, here is what Beck looked like on his television show earlier this week, before he started mocking Trump for being absurdly orange:

Ex-Judge Points Out Legal Flaws Of Fetal 'Personhood'

As we explored in a report on the fetal “personhood” movement a few years ago, the effort to outlaw all abortion (and possibly some forms of birth control) by giving full constitutional rights to zygotes could result in any number of unintended consequences.

In a column yesterday in the Montgomery Advertiser, Vanzetta Penn McPherson, a retired federal magistrate judge, poked holes in a recent Alabama personhood proposal that died in the state House last week.

If embryos and fetuses are declared to be legal persons, she asks, would they be entitled to congressional representation? To welfare benefits? To get their drivers’ license nine months early?

1. Since the date of each conception is uncertain and the government is the custodian of birth records: (a) Should the government assign a date of conception to determine the prenatal child’s true birthdate? (b) At delivery, will the average prenatal child already be nine months old? (c) Should parents count prenatal children on census and employment forms? (d) Should the legislature count prenatal children in the redistricting process?

2. For families: (a) Since DNA tests can prove paternity, should a father’s child support obligation begin at conception, when life begins? (b) Would a pregnant woman who is dependent on welfare be entitled to government benefits for her embryo? (c) Would a pregnant mother who is dependent on welfare be entitled to additional government benefits for her embryo?

3. Rights and Responsibilities: (a) Would a fetus, who is also a person, be entitled to an equal share of a parent’s or grandparent’s bequest to “children” or “grandchildren”? (b)Would the presence of a fetus, who is entitled to equal protection of the law, prevent the imposition of a lawful prison sentence upon a pregnant woman? (c) Would the presence of a fetus, who is entitled to equal protection of the law, cause the release of a female inmate who became pregnant? (d) To secure entitlement to rights that are triggered by age, should we award driver’s licenses (at 16), permit persons to vote (at 18), and permit persons to drink alcohol (at 21), based on “birth at conception?” (e) If so, will the presumption of “birth at conception” apply only to prenatal children “living” at the time the amendment passes? (f) Or will the presumption of “birth at conception” also apply to everyone, since everyone was once an embryo, thus allowing adults to advance their entitlement to retirement, and other state benefits? (g) When a prenatal child dies of natural causes before delivery, may its parents collect the proceeds of a life insurance policy they secured shortly after conception?

Even aside from the clearly unconstitutional attack on Roe v. Wade, these are issues that the courts would have to work out if “personhood” were to become law.

At least two states besides Alabama are currently considering “personhood” measures.

Bryan Fischer Is Outraged That Target Allowed A Man Into A 'Family Dressing Room' Area

The American Family Association has been leading the fight against Target's policy of allowing transgender customers and employees to use the bathroom or fitting room that matches their gender identity, and Bryan Fischer has been doing his part on his daily radio program to whip up opposition to the policy in increasingly absurd ways.

On his radio program yesterday, Fischer read an email sent to the AFA-affiliated organization One Million Moms from a woman who was outraged to discover a man in the dressing room area with her daughter on a recent trip to Target.

According to this email, as read by Fischer, this woman and her teenage daughter visited a local Target store last week and her daughter went into the dressing room to try on some clothes. When the mother went to check on her, she heard a man's voice coming from the dressing room area, so she rushed in to find that the man "was in the same dressing area but not the same stall" as her daughter.

She immediately went to Target management to complain, Fischer said, "but the supervisor just pointed her to a sign that says 'Family Dressing Room.'"

"So she got no satisfaction, no help," an outraged Fischer complained, apparently unaware of how Family Dressing Rooms operate! 

Benghazi Select Committee Now Attempting To Interview Conservative Talk Show Callers As Witnesses

In a letter he sent to Benghazi Select Committee Chairman Trey Gowdy today, Assistant Secretary of Defense Stephen Hedger lists a litany of abuses that have taken place during the course of the investigation of the 2012 attack.

Among these abuses, Hedger reports, is that the committee is requesting that the Defense Department track down callers to Sean Hannity’s radio show in order to call them as witnesses:

The Committee has requested to interview an individual identified as ‘John from Iowa’ who described himself as a Remotely Piloted Aircraft (RPA) camera operator on a talk radio show, where he described what he allegedly saw in the video feed from the night of the attack. The Department has expended significant resources to locate anyone who might match the description of this person, to no avail. The Committee staff then expanded this initial request to include all RPA pilots and RPA sensor operators who operated in the region that night.

The May 2013 call to Hannity’s program was subsequently reported on by other conservative outlets, including Glenn Beck’s The Blaze.

After two years, $6.7 million in taxpayer dollars, and an 11-hour grilling of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton that was widely derided as a failed partisan hatchet job, the Select Committee is now relying on callers to right wing radio shows as witnesses. 

It has to be said, this is not parody.

Paranoia-Rama: Martial Law Plot To Stop Trump, 'Covert Chemtrailing' And Agenda 21 Concentration Camps

RWW’s Paranoia-Rama takes a look at five of the week’s most absurd conspiracy theories from the Right.

Classic conspiracy theories like the supposed threats of Chemtrails and Agenda 21 reemerged this week, along with some new ones, such as the possibility of a nuclear war with Russia sparked by Target’s new trans-inclusive policies. All that and more this week on Paranoia-Rama:

5) October Surprise

On Wednesday, Donald Trump’s confidant Roger Stone appeared on Alex Jones’ conspiracy theory radio show, where Jones and a caller asked if “the establishment” could pull off a stunt — such as deliberately crashing the economy or faking an attempt on President Obama’s life — to postpone the election in a last-ditch effort to stop Trump.

Stone, naturally, agreed with their fears: “I think they’re capable of anything, including martial law.”

Jones said nefarious actors may try to thwart Trump because they know he is a candidate who “unites us all.”

“What would you be doing if you were them?” he asked Stone.

Stone replied: “Well, they could stage an international incident in which everybody has to rally around the president and then use that as a pretext to cancel the election.”

4) Sky Criminals

While Jones is worried about the prospect of an anti-Trump October surprise, he was delighted to read Chuck Norris’ latest column about chemtrails.

Writing about “Sky Criminals” for the far-right website WorldNetDaily, Norris warned about “covert chemtrailing” that “is taking place in the skies above us and unbeknownst to us.”

“How many plane-dropping chemical cocktails have already been sprayed around the world in the name of securing public health?” he asked, wondering if the government is using planes to conduct “mass vaccinations or some other devious plot.”

“It’s time again to wake up, America.”

3) Nuclear War

Conservatives aren’t only blaming transgender people for sexual assaults and rape — at least one far-right commentator is claiming that they might be the cause of a nuclear war.

Thanks to Target’s new nondiscrimination policy, “Trunews” host Rick Wiles warned this week, we might all get killed by a nuclear strike from Russia. The End Times broadcaster said that Target’s recently announced policy on transgender customers and staff will provoke divine judgment and “shut down this nation.”

“Doc, God is going to use the Russians to bring down Sodom and Gomorrah if there’s no repentance in this land,” he told his co-host Doc Burkhart. “Listen, these freaks are going to get us all killed. They’re going to get us all killed.”

2) Agenda 21 Fears

Ted Cruz’s campaign announced the members of his “Montana Leadership Team” last weekend and, unsurprisingly, the group includes some of the most extreme and bizarre conservatives in the state, including “Dan Happel, Agenda 21 Speaker.”

While Cruz has flirted with Agenda 21 conspiracy theories in the past — warning during his 2012 campaign for U.S. Senate that the nonbinding UN initiative was a “grand scheme” concocted by George Soros to abolish “ golf courses, grazing pastures, and paved roads ” — Happel has taken things to a new level.

Happel believes that Agenda 21, a nonbinding sustainable development initiative that is over two decades old but only recently became a source of right-wing trepidation, is actually a Stalinist plot to create a one-world government to ensure that “ private property can be increasingly controlled and ultimately eliminated.”

One Montana newspaper reported that Happel believes that Agenda 21 will “involve relocating most Montanans to some large city, like Seattle, where they would be housed like sardines in compact housing developments, deprived of automobiles, and basically held hostage to some job in the city. Meanwhile vast areas of land would be reclaimed for wilderness to be used by the rich oligarchy.”

1) Ted Cruz or Disaster

Glenn Beck, the supposed author of the dystopian thriller “Agenda 21,” is such a big fan of Cruz that he told his viewers this week that if the Texas senator doesn’t win the presidency, it means lights out for America.

The conservative radio commentator believes that Cruz,much like Moses, is divinely ordained and that he is fulfilling the “White Horse Prophesy” laid out by Mormon founder Joseph Smith. Christians who do not vote for Cruz, according to Beck, “are not listening to their God.”

Indeed, Beck said on Wednesday that “the republic is at stake” in this election and if the Cruz campaign goes down to defeat, then we will “lose freedom for all mankind.”

Glenn Beck (Inadvertently) Declares That Ted Cruz Is 'Not Qualified To Be President'

Glenn Beck spent a segment on his radio program yesterday ripping the foreign policy speech that Donald Trump recently delivered in which he declared that "'America First' will be the major and overriding theme of my administration," because the phrase "America First" also happens to be the name of an anti-Semitic, isolationist political party that opposed U.S. involvement in World War II and urged appeasement of Adolf Hitler.

Beck said that this is the sort of information that can be learned through a simple Google search and the fact that nobody on the Trump campaign knew this or bothered to look it up means that Trump is totally unqualified to be president.

"You would think that someone would do a little bit of homework," Beck said. "Can somebody Google search? ... That is the bare minimum everyone should do. Google search."

"If you can't do a simple Google search, you're not qualified to be president," he continued. "You're really not."

We agree.

Earlier this month we noted that Ted Cruz has been trying to rewrite the history regarding his appearance last year at a conference organized by radical anti-gay activist Kevin Swanson, who openly advocates imposing the death penalty for homosexuality, by falsely claiming that he was not aware of Swanson's views before he attended and that he immediately denounced them once he learned about them:

This is nonsense, as Swanson's views were well documented long before Cruz attended the rally and Cruz himself was directly confronted about them by CNN's Jake Tapper the day before he spoke alongside Swanson. Both Cruz and his father, Rafael Cruz, nonetheless agreed to appear at the conference and then his campaign proceeded to dismiss any criticism of his decision.

When Beck's own daughter confronted Cruz about his appearance with Swanson, Cruz lied to her face and feigned ignorance, claiming that he chewed out his staff for allowing him to appear with someone like Swanson, at least according to Beck's account of the conversation.

As we said before, "if nobody on the Cruz campaign was aware of Swanson's extreme views, it is only because they didn't bother to check since Swanson's long history of unrepentant bigotry has been well documented."

A simple Google search would have easily allowed anyone on the Cruz campaign to discover Swanson's extremism, but apparently nobody bothered to "do a little bit of homework," which makes Cruz, according to Beck's own standard, unqualified to be president.

Right Wing Round-Up - 4/28/16

Right Wing Bonus Tracks - 4/28/16

  • Phyllis Schlafly is totally unconcerned about Donald Trump's position on abortion because "the grassroots is not looking to Trump for their guidance for a lot of these moral issues."
  • Bobby Knight has endorsed Trump because Trump is "the most prepared man in history to step in as president of the United States."
  • Conversely, Ted Cruz supporter Ken Cuccinelli says that Trump is "the biggest whiner in American political history."
  • The National Organization for Marriage is vowing to defeat three Missouri lawmakers who voted against an anti-LGBT bill: "This act of betrayal by three cowardly Republicans will not be tolerated."
  • Finally, MRC's Dylan Gwinn goes after ABC's television program "Blackish" for apparently suggesting that white people are racist ... or something: "Is that why so many white people vote to have their money taken away from them by the government, and spent on often-useless and wasteful, but well-meaning government programs to improve health care and education in black neighborhoods?"

Who Could Trump Pick As His VP? There Are So Many Terrible Options!

With Ted Cruz announcing yesterday that Carly Fiorina will be his running mate in his increasingly difficult path to the GOP presidential nomination, we thought it might be time for Donald Trump to start thinking about who he wants as his vice president.

Here are just a few options:

1) Chris Christie

Following his victory in five states on Tuesday, Trump suggested that he would consider naming New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, who was standing by his side and trying his best not to look like a hostage, as his running mate.

Trump would have to overlook the Fort Lee highway lane closure scandal, better known as Bridgegate, that weighed down Christie’s unsuccessful presidential campaign.

As we noted before Christie jumped into the presidential race, under his leadership “New Jersey experienced multiple credit downgrades, regular budget shortfalls, a failed pension reform plan, fiscal mismanagement that benefited political donors, anemic job growth, a transit funding scandal and mishandling of Hurricane Sandy recovery money.”

Trump would also have to try to restrain himself from continuing to insult the governor, something he has had a problem doing even after Christie endorsed him.

2) Scott Brown

Trump has also floated former Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown as a potential running mate.

“Vice president — hey, that sounds like it could, hey, hey, very good,” Trump said. “Hey, you know what? And he’s central casting. Look at that guy. Central casting.”

Brown, who lost his race for re-election against Elizabeth Warren and later ran unsuccessfully against Sen. Jeanne Shaheen in New Hampshire, was one of Trump’s most prominent endorsers and media surrogates before the New Hampshire contest.

His colleagues at Fox News — which has frequently run glowing profiles of the former senator — have also encouraged Trump to pick him as his running mate.

Brown has at least one thing in common with Trump: they have both pushed quack medical cures; Trump with his failed multilevel marketing company and Brown with his email list, which once promoted “an outlet that touts shady products like Alzheimer's disease cures and Social Security tricks.” Brown later said that he did not approve of the email although, as Media Matters reports, he also rented his list to a dubious group “promising to show readers a ‘Weird Trick’ that ‘adds $1,000 to Your Social Security Checks!’”

The two also have a tendency to create anti-immigrant conspiracy theories (Brown once warned of Ebola-infected immigrants easily walking across the U.S. border with Mexico), going to great lengths to avoid answering basic questions and creating awkward situations with women.

One problem for Brown, however, is that he is pro-choice, unlike the famously pro-life Donald Trump.

3) Scott DesJarlais

Scott DesJarlais is one of the few members of Congress to endorse Trump, and the Tennessee Republican will surely help Trump win over women voters.

Before running for Congress as a “pro-life” and “pro-family” Republican, “DesJarlais, a physician, pressured a patient who was his mistress to get an abortion. It was later revealed that the pro-life congressman had approved of his first wife having two abortions, and that he’d had sex with at least two patients.” He also had affairs with “three coworkers and a drug representative,” and was later fined for violating medical ethics.

DesJarlais’ ex-wife also accused him of “dry firing a gun outside the Plaintiff's locked bedroom door, [admitting] suicidal ideation, holding a gun in his mouth for three hours, an incident of physical intimidation at the hospital; and previous threatening behavior ... i.e. shoving, tripping, pushing down, etc.”

4) Jeff Sessions

Trump has said that he would like to pick an insider as his vice president, so why not go with his sole Senate endorser and “Washington gatekeeper” Jeff Sessions?

The Alabama Republican helped craft Trump’s plan to deport all undocumented immigrants living in the U.S., as well as his proposal to destroy the Mexican economy by blocking remittances in order to force Mexico to pay for the border wall.

Sessions has also defended Trump’s proposal to ban the world’s 1.6 billion Muslims from entering the U.S. and similarly expressed doubt climate science with his own bizarre reasoning.

5) Mike Huckabee

Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee has been a relentless defender of Trump throughout the campaign, frequently attacking Ted Cruz while praising the billionaire mogul. Trump even hired Huckabee’s daughter as an adviser after the former governor’s own presidential bid ended.

The two have their differences: While Trump mostly directs his bigotry towards immigrants and Muslims, Huckabee keeps LGBT people as his main target.

While the folksy Southern Baptist minister may not share many of Trump’s personality traits, he does at least share Trump’s proclivity for anti-Obama conspiracy theories and patronizing language towards women .

6) Ben Carson

After endorsing Trump’s candidacy, Ben Carson has emerged as one of his worst campaign surrogates.

Nonetheless, there are numerousreports that Carson isactively lobbying for a slot on the ticket.

Carson, like Trumphas a gift for grifting and making mystifying, bigoted statements.

Trump may be wary, however, because Carson believes that God was behind his own, failed presidential campaign.

Bonus: Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin is one of Trump’s earliest endorsers and most loyal surrogates, thanking God for his candidacy and hailing him for standing up to “all that petty, punk-ass, little thuggery stuff.” She even defended him when he attacked John McCain, who named Palin as his running mate in 2008, for being a prisoner of war, saying that Trump is a hero for criticizing the Obama administration’s handling of immigration and economic policy.

It was also at a Trump rally where Palin suggested that President Obama shares some of the blame for her son’s arrest for domestic assault.

Trump has said that he would consider appointing Palin to a position in his administration because “she really is somebody who knows what’s happening and she’s a special person, she’s really a special person and I think people know that.”

Seeing that she already ran for vice president once before, Palin is clearly ready for the campaign.

After all, what could go wrong?

Even Glenn Beck Thinks Cruz's VP Pick Was A 'Desperate' Move

Ted Cruz's announcement yesterday that he would name Carly Fiorina as his vice presidential running mate despite the fact that he is trailing badly in the Republican presidential primary race was widely seen as a desperate move to boost his struggling campaign.

And since Glenn Beck has transformed his daily radio program into little more than an arm of Cruz's presidential operation, it was entirely predictable that he would kick off today's program by conducting a softball interview with Fiorina, which he introduced by admitting that the campaign's unusual move was indeed an act of desperation ... "because Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina are desperate to save the Constitution."

"They are desperate to save the economy. Desperate to create jobs. And so am I," Beck said. "They are desperate to stop the crucifixion of Christians by ISIS. And so am I. I think you are, too ... They are desperate. Indeed, they are. They are desperate to make sure that our children aren't spied on and listened to. They are desperate to make sure that the IRS isn’t used as a weapon anymore."

"And if you're not desperate," Beck concluded, pointing directly into the camera, "then you're not in the real world. If you're not desperate, then they have no chance of winning. But if you believe this is our last call, if you believe we are in deep trouble, you're damn right you're desperate. You should be desperate."